I’m just making it worse. Everything I’m doing leads to endless nights of broken sleep. The more exhausted I get, the more I struggle to get it right.
I can’t get her to eat in the evenings. We’re trying everything. We’re making all sorts of delicious home cooked meals. We try buffet style, casseroles, soups, and simple. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. She won’t eat anything. At best I’ll get her to have a yogurt and some fruit. Then I talk to my friend and she’s talking about how much her son loves lentils and everything else she makes and already knows all his upper case letters. And how he runs to take his nap in the afternoon because he loves taking naps. Her son is three days older then Aria. And then I really feel like Aria needs a new mom.
Then it’s seven thirty in the evening. Aria gets super thirsty right before bed and downs a lot of milk or water.
Then I ease her to sleep, holding her hand. Too often I hold for too long and she falls asleep with me there. Stupid. Sentimental. Tired. Detrimental.
And then the awful night begins again.
Starving at 11
Lonely at 1
Super wet diaper at 3
Starving at 4:30
At 11 I try to keep her in bed, but she melts and desperately signs for food. Fifty percent of the time I cave. Bye bye 30 minutes from the initial cry away to the eating to the post cry.
At 1, I’m steadfast. I let her cry for ten minutes then let her know I’m hearing her cries. Then tell her night night. Bye bye thirty minutes of sleep.
At 3 I’m exhausted. I go in after three minutes. I see how wet her diaper is and change it. She’s really fussy. I lay down to calm her. I fall asleep on the floor beside her. In the chill of the morning, I drift in and out of sleep for an hour or so, then finally pull myself up and trudge to bed.
Fifteen minutes later, she’s melting down. I hear the hunger in her cry.
I finally solicit DH’s help. We set the time for fifteen minutes. Her meltdown escalates with each passing minute. Finally the buzzer goes off. DH takes her downstairs and gives her a yogurt. It takes another five minutes after that for her to fall asleep.
I am wide awake. The night is over. It is 5AM. Another failed night of my own making.
Rinse and repeat. Going on maybe four weeks of this pattern. Every three months since she was born we get a new pattern, finally win after two months of desperate struggle. Sleep okay for a few weeks then it starts all over again.
Still waiting for those last two canines to pop through her gums…