I’m in Missouri with family, family that would more than love to hold and bond with my daughter. That was the point of bringing her to my brother’s graduation. But Aria refuses to let anyone else hold her.
This is a behavior that’s intensified over the past month or two. Aria seems intensely afraid of being abandoned by me. Every inch I move away, the horror and trauma deepens in her tender little face. Tears stream the longer someone else holds her. When I finally take her back she gasps and chokes we relief.
I wonder if it’s just the age. I don’t know. I also wonder if it’s how I’ve tried to slip away. That worked when she was younger. I could be like a toy that disappeared, replaced by another. She knows now. So she monitors my position, making sure I am ever within reach.
It’s not just here on foreign soil. It’s at home with DH too. Sometimes he just gives up trying to hold her, so the weekend might mean twelve straight hours a day with me holding or following Aria around. He’s such a trooper and accepts it as a phase, but some days you can see the hurt and resignation.
I worry about her relationships with my family and close family. Once someone decides “she doesn’t like me,” a barrier forms, instead of a bond. Instead of being excited to spend time with my daughter, excitement is replaced by dread of rejection.
Not sure what to do. I love my relationship with Aria, but I want her to form connections and bonds with others too.