Part 1 – Is anything the same?
DH is feeling this whole my-life-has-changed-forever thing. The amount of time he and I get to spend together dwindled over the past week. He was back at work and had to do overtime to get caught up, my brothers were in town, we’re still hosting friends who want to meet Aria, and I get sleepy starting at about seven or eight o’clock.
So yesterday he calls me from the office, lamenting, “I wish we could go on a date…”
“Why can’t we?” I ask.
“The restaurants won’t want us! I don’t want to be that couple,” he insisted.
“Why don’t we go to Zapatos? They’re friendly and if you can get home soon, I think I can get Aria asleep in the car seat.”
“Really?” he asked, a twinge of hope lighting his voice.
“Let’s do it!”
An hour and a half later (yes, it took that long) we were in the car and on our way.
Part 2 – “I didn’t ask for a table for three”
DH loves long conversations with me over a nice meal. It’s been one of our favorite pastimes together since our second date almost five years ago.
There’s certainly plenty to talk about. I’m going through a secret Renaissance when it comes to my professional prospects, DH may be up for a promotion, neither of us really comprehend that we’re actually parents, and the 2016 election cycle is upon us (or so the media seems to think)!
There were only two other tables with patrons and Aria was out cold. This was going to work! We, three-week-old parents, were on a date.
“Table for two?” Arthur, our regular server at the restaurant, asked.
“For three!” I joked and pointed to the car seat. Cue the laughter. Or more fitting would have been some ominous refrain, hinting at a date about to go terribly, terribly wrong…
We eased into our chairs and set Aria beside me. We talk casually as we pick our meals, working our way to the deep conversation of our mutual futures.
Arthur eases into the table next to us…
“So you’re really set on this,” DH says to me.
“I think it makes sense. I feel really good about it–”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but it sounds really intense!” Arthur exclaims.
We both look at our server, startled away from each other’s eyes.
“I’m thinking about my future too. I just got a 3D printer! Want to see a picture? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys, I don’t think I’ve shown you yet!”
DH and I were both too polite to refuse him.
And so went our first date since having a baby.
“How’s your food, Honey?” I asked, trying to escape our uninvited third wheel.
“Oh! I forgot to ask! How’s the food guys?” Arthur cuts in.
“So are you planning on finishing that project management certification program?” DH asks me.
“I got my associates in entrepreneurialism!” Arthur exclaims. “It’s a big word. Most people don’t know what it means when I tell them. That’s why I went for a bachelors in engineering. I’m going to start my own business with my 3D printer. I wish I’d brought a piece to show you!”
“We don’t want to keep you from your other tables,” I say to Arthur.
“Oh, don’t worry! You’re my only table! Things won’t pick up for another hour!” Arthur assures me.
“So, your decision…” DH says after another family finally draws Arthur away. “Where were we?”
“I have no idea…”
“You guys want dessert??”
Arthur was back before we could miss him.
Part 3 – Indigestion
“We could watch a movie?” I suggest, trying to salvage our date night.
“I didn’t get to talk to you alone for even five minutes!” DH growls.
“Birdman is available for rent…” I stifle a yawn.
DH frowns. “No. Let’s just take a nap.”
Our date night effectively over, we cuddle up on the couch and fall asleep.
At 10PM, the Mexican food comes back to haunt us, again!
Aria was fussy all night long. I barely slept.
DH was so wound up from the nap and our catastrophic date he couldn’t fall asleep or even sit still to cuddle while I nursed my endlessly squeamish baby. He spent the night cleaning.
I spent it being paddled and pawed and having my nipples almost torn off as Aria latched on and off my gushing boobs.
She’d fall asleep in my lap. I’d try and move her so I could lay down. Suddenly she’d be wide awake and hungry. Over and over and over again.
To make matters worse we both had the most intolerable gas! DH said it smelled like a waste treatment plant. I could feel Aria’s intestines gurgling all night. Mine gurgled much less subtly.
So here we are.
It only took twelve hours for it to all calm down…
Part 4 – The moral of the story
New parents + hole in the wall Mexican joint + lonely server + new baby = DISASTER
Mexican place = BAD FIRST DATE IDEA
Don’t do it!!! Stay home! Watch a movie! Order a pizza!!
Okay, now that I’m awake and coherent, I don’t really think that. But I mean really, Arthur commandeered our date. Who does that???
This new parent thing is way too complicated. So many extra steps and things to look out for. They really need warning labels for things like that Mexican place and that server!